🫨 Panic and podcasts 🎧

On Monday afternoon, I flew to Philadelphia for a 24-hour trip to record two podcast episodes with the host of the I Have ADHD podcast. 

It was my first "business" trip since Cooper went into burnout over six years ago.

I was excited to talk about the intersection of ADHD and PDA, fly on an airplane alone, and finally meet Kendahl - one of our team members - in person! 

But when I landed in Philadelphia, I felt completely overwhelmed. 

I felt like my brain went offline and I struggled to figure out the Lyft app that I hadn't used since I left Washington D.C. years ago.

Nausea overwhelmed me in the taxi ride to the hotel, and the flashing lights and traffic felt like they were too much. 

In the morning while eating breakfast, I looked down at my fit bit and saw that while sitting and quietly eating oatmeal my heart rate was at 115. My typical resting heart rate is 54!

That's when I realized - oh, I'm having a panic response!

I went to my room and did a havening practice, breathing exercises, and meditation. This brought my heart rate down some, and then Kendahl arrived at the hotel, and her safe presence and hugs felt soothing, too. 

We arrived at the studio, had two GREAT conversations, and by lunch I was back to my baseline and having a good time.

But I'm sharing the episode here because as I've thought about it more it's reminded me of so many things that are relevant to understanding our kids... 

Although I was diagnosed with panic disorder at the age of 26 while living in New York City, the truth is, I am no stranger to travel and don't normally get anxious about it. 

In my 20s and early 30's I lived in seven different countries for work and research.

I did my doctoral field work in former conflict zones in rural Colombia. I traveled in busses, along unpaved mountain roads, and spent many nights in strangers' homes and churches. 

So why was I nearly incapacitated by a quick trip to Philadelphia!?

It was not a lack of cognitive skills or ability that was making it hard for me to download the Lyft app at the airport, or forcing me to skip my beloved caffeine fix the next morning.  

Rather, my subconscious brain was perceiving threat and I was not in my Thinking brain. 

I had reached my nervous system's Threshold of Tolerance, and not just from the trip.

Stress had been building in my system. 

My younger son is in burnout and my husband and I transitioned to having him home and caregiving. 

I had an abnormal mammogram that my now-ex-doctor did little to explain.

Both my parents are struggling with health issues. 

And so amidst all this, travel became the tipping point. 

The thing is, we all have nervous systems and many of you who are reading this will have a sensitive one!

When our perception of threat is sensitive, we can easily reach our tipping point and we lose access to skills.

And this is also what happens to our PDA kids.

They are not choosing to have a racing heart or a brain that perceives threat for reasons they often don't understand. 

They are not choosing to lose the ability to do things they want and need to do.

The good news is, we can help them. With accommodations our kids can get back to, and spend more time in, the "safe and social" state where they can be the brilliant humans they truly are!

And for me, a reminder of what it feels like to have an overwhelmed nervous system rejuvenates my compassion for my kids.

I hope it's helpful for you, too.