I teach PDA burnout recovery. I still spiral sometimes.

Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) burnout recovery is not linear.

Most parents who are living it know this, and yet when progress stalls, fear takes over anyway.

Here is what that looked like for me this week, even after years of teaching this to other families.

* * *

Two weeks ago, my Mother's Day weekend felt unexpectedly magical. ✨

(Usually I am not a fan of Mother's Day — I just want the day to myself to go to yoga and not be around children, lol.)

As you may already know, my younger son William (7) has been in deep burnout for the last year.

Last fall, he didn't leave his bedroom for 86 days except to use the bathroom.

The sole exception was a trip to his former school to watch my older son's service dog's graduation ceremony.

So two weeks ago, it felt like the skies parted when William agreed to go see this gem of a movie. 🍿

The next day, the four of us went swimming at the YMCA.

My heart swelled watching little William happily bob up and down in the water, smiling all the way to the deep end.

After growing 3.5 inches since the last time he'd been there, he was thrilled to discover he could keep his head above water even in the deepest part of the kiddie pool.

We finished the weekend with a trip to their favorite Cuban restaurant, where they wolfed down passion fruit milkshakes, churros, and hamburgers. 🍔

Then this week, William was back on screens for 10 hours a day.

Even though we've been going to the park every morning together, he decided he didn't want to leave the house.

Now, I know and teach that the path out of burnout for PDA children and teens is non-linear.

It feels like two steps forward, one step back. Or let's be honest: five steps back.

But I couldn't help it.

My fear took over:

💭 He's never going to get out of burnout.

💭 He will spend the rest of his life on a screen.

💭 He will never experience success or independence.

My husband reminded me of all the progress we'd made in the last month and gently pointed me back to the present moment.

The same thing I remind the parents I coach.

Then last night was the end-of-year performance for my older PDA son, Cooper.

He would be displaying his artwork and performing trombone with his classmates at his Montessori school. Cooper had asked William to come and William (surprisingly) agreed.

At the performance, I watched William run up to join the entire school for the "Be the Light" song they all sing together, and then join in the soccer game afterward with some of his old friends.

I stood there feeling like I was going to cry from both joy and fear of the fallout, while trying to look semi-normal and make small talk in the meantime. (Didn't nail it 🤣)

I wanted to share this with you as a reminder we all need.

When your child or teen is in burnout, it will feel like:

• It's forever and will never end
• They aren't making progress
• Two steps forward, 1-100 steps back

But the truth is: the accommodations, the undivided attention, the unconditional love, and yes, the food deliveries, are building a window of tolerance in their nervous system that allows them to engage more.

It will just, in true PDA fashion, not be on your terms or your timeline.

Gentle reminder: it's not linear, my friends.