🌈 PDA success stories to cheer you on!

Yesterday I got in the car to drive Cooper to school and when I checked the rear view mirror, I saw him tearing up.

"Honey, are you ok?" I said.

"I don't know. I don't feel good," he responded.

"Do you want to stay home?' I asked.

"No." 

His teeth were chattering, he was rocking back and forth a bit, and crying. I realized he was having a panic attack.

We sat together in the driveway and I taught him how to haven and do some deep breathing (first time he has allowed this!). We talked about identifying a safe friend at school to be with if he felt excluded at recess (something that had happened earlier in the week). 

As we drove to school, we talked about how hard it is to have a nervous system like his, my experience with panic attacks, and all the strengths he has as a PDA autistic human. 

He went off to school nervously, but courageously. 

And when I picked him up that afternoon, he'd had a good day and was smiling.

Now, this might not sound like a "success" story that you see on typical parenting pages on instagram, but it is for our family. 

Five years ago, my son could not leave the house.

When I tried to talk to him about school or any other topic, he would either hiss, growl, or say "stop talking."

Attempts to help him take deep breaths would have been met with screaming and destroying things. 

Our connection is at the center of everything, and I had to hold trust in this unconventional way of supporting him and accommodating his nervous system consistently. 

"Success stories" in parenting a PDA child are imperfect but necessary, because we DO make extraordinary progress. 

At your collective request, I want to share some other "success stories" with you that parents anonymously submitted, so you can go into your weekend feeling confident and good about your parenting. 

✨ More Success Stories ✨

Parent share #1

My child burned out at the end of 4th grade so spectacularly that his body shut down and he was unable to walk for 10 days. After finding Casey, completely changing everything about our parenting approach and embracing radical autonomy, things slowly changed. Doing my own therapy work was a huge piece of this change also. After 3 years of homeschooling, long stretches of no schooling, 100% autonomy over every choice, that same child chose to go to traditional school for 8th grade. He is able to recognize his needs, regulate his emotions, engage with his coping skills and is all around rocking it. Model UN, a group of friends, so much happiness and engagement. No part of me believed this would be possible when we hit rock bottom 3 years ago.

Parent share #2

Our 6 year old PDAer has been through a year and a half of severe burnout. Regression to violence, unable to speak, or eat, or walk. Daily panic attacks. She now wakes up with a smile and sometimes says a happy good morning to her little sister. When her little sister had stomach pain last week, our PDAer stepped in to care for her, rubbing her tummy, bringing water, trying to distract her from the pain. This situation would have been unthinkable even early this year but now, after 2 years of accommodation and establishing deep safety in the home (as well as Fluoextine to top it off) our 6 year old is able to express all that love she’s always had in her heart. 

Parent share #3

4 years ago my daughter, aged 9, was heading into burnout and we had a year and a half of unschooling and discovery ahead of us. I found gardening to help me through these times! Really leaning into accommodating and prioritising felt safety was our life. Once out of burnout she is very social and returned to school age 11. Two years on at 13 she attends school 90% of the time and while I am writing this she is auditioning for the lead role in Alice in wonderland musical. She amazes us! 

Parent share #4

After 18months of delivering food to my 13yo’s bedroom so she can decompress in her safe space…. I left her home alone for 2 hours yesterday and returned to find that she had made her own scrambled eggs! 

As always, I am cheering on your bravery for going against the conventional wisdom to support your unique child or teen.