🐾 Retiring our service dog 🐕‍🦺

Last week I watched my older PDA son, Cooper, age 10, stand in front of over 100 people at his private Montessori school and confidently give a speech to the audience.

He explained his decision to retire his service dog after four years of attending school with him.

The speech began: "Doggo has helped me with my autism to feel safe and now I feel like it is time for him to move on to the couch life with my brother at my house." 

The audience laughed as my husband and I sat at the back of the gym, holding in tears.

Five years ago, Cooper had been unable to attend public school consistently. He had nightly, explosive panic attacks after masking all day and getting shamed for using fidgets in the classroom (even though they were in his 504 plan). 

When he started at his private school, we didn't know how it would go. 

He could not not wear anything but pajamas, would walk into school with his hair disheveled, and needed so much safety that he would leash his service dog to his waist.

Cooper and Doggo were always together, even though Cooper wasn't fully able to be his "handler" and consistently give Doggo commands.

The school stepped in and teachers provided support.

They created safe spaces under the teachers' desks for Doggo, brought him water, and took him out for bathroom breaks and picked up the poop (which gave Cooper sensory overwhelm). 

And now four years later, as Cooper spoke from the stage, some of those teachers were teary-eyed, too.  

The mom of one of Cooper's classmates had made decorations. She printed stickers of Doggo's face that the students wore and a giant photo of Doggo that they all signed.

Some of the kids had also been with Doggo for years, and they shared poems with the audience about their experience with him. Many mentioned his soft fur, chocolate eyes, and calm presence, but also his farts and attempts at stealing their food.

As I listened, it struck me how deeply the experience had impacted not just our family, but all the other students as well. 

But that doesn't mean it's all been unicorns and rainbows.

🌈 There was the time Doggo bit and killed a chick that had just hatched in the first-grade classroom.

🌈  There were months in second grade when my husband and I sat outside the classroom in shifts, working from the hallway so that we could reinforce Doggo's training. 

🌈 There were many times when I would pick up after school and Cooper would "equalize" against Doggo in the back seat from the day's stress. 

🌈 And there were many nights when it was impossible to get Doggo a walk, because we needed one parent tending to each of our children to keep everyone safe and neither kid was willing to leave the house with us.

And yet, there we were. Four years later. 

I share this update because lately parents have been asking for "success" stories and other glimmers they can hang on to. 

Progress is slow. It takes longer than compliance-oriented approaches because it often involves healing a relationship and changing our way of being with our children. 

But progress does happen when we support and accommodate our kids. 

Keep going my friend. 

It may be messy and hard, but you are doing it!