The fear we face as parents

Yesterday, my 6-year-old snuggled up next to me during my 6:45am *attempt* at meditation and whispered "I don't want to go to school."  

The familiar fear bubbled up in my chest - If I let him stay home today, he won't go back tomorrow.  

My mind flashed to the pandemic times and the year and a half of hell, when my older son refused school, was deep in burnout, and both boys were home with me. 

I forced myself back to the present moment and encouraged William gently, but that immediately set off his threat perception, and he started crying and hiding under his blanket. 

I knew in my heart that it wasn't worth the cost to his nervous system to push or force. 

So we decided to let him stay home. 

But - just like you - I felt anxiety and fear about the decision. 

I felt the same thing as the parents I coached this week in our live Paradigm Shift Program as we worked through the Acceptance module.

We addressed the crunchiest of topics - school, siblings, screens, boundaries, and violence - and parents faced the exact same fears many of us have faced at one point or another:

• If I don't encourage a bath - or incentivize it with treats and screens - my child will never bathe again.
• If I allow other people (grandparents, aunts, babysitters) who aren't 100% on board with the PDA lens to care for my PDA child, they will never get out of burnout.
• If I take some time to myself to work, the cost will be too high for my PDAer's nervous system.
• If I allow autonomy and choice around attending school, my PDAer will never learn or attend school again. 
• If I let my PDA teen practice driving, their threat response will come out and endanger pedestrians or crash the car.

This is scary stuff.

And yet often the moment when you feel most terrified is when you are on the precipice of surrender and true change.

The irony is that when you let go of control of your PDA child or teen, the future fears often don't come true. 

👉 The PDA child eventually bathes again. 

👉 The driving goes better than expected. 

👉 Unschooling turns out to be great and sometimes the PDA child or teen decides they want to return to a supportive school environment. 

👉 The PDA child who was violent and you dreaded having home, over time is no longer so activated, and you can finally see the familiar sweetheart behind the threat response. 

Yesterday, as I worked through my own anxiety about my younger son's school refusal, I returned to acceptance.

I reminded myself that fear of the future is exactly that - a fear. It doesn't make it true.

I then asked myself a dorky question to bring my attention back to my body and immediate surroundings: Is now OK? 

Once my attention was back in the here and now, I took a pause and stepped out on the front step. I saw my 6 year old happily playing in the front yard, whacking dandelions with sticks and watching the trucks go by on our street. 

I felt the breath in my chest and watched the leaves rustling on the trees. I felt the sun on my face for a moment. 

When I turned around, I saw my husband inside at the kitchen table, answering emails and working on a business that we are passionate about. 

Everything was actually more than ok. 

Acceptance takes time, trust, and the ability to move through that terrifying uncertainty, often while others tell you that you are doing it wrong. 

But you don't have to do this alone. ❤️‍🩹

We can help you reach a level of acceptance that will transform the energy in your home, help your PDAer thrive in ways you never thought possible, and bring down *your* anxiety and fear. 

We have a team of amazing humans to support you every step of the way  

If you are ready to take a step towards true change, I want to invite you to the only group coaching program for parents of PDAers that is designed to do exactly that: The Paradigm Shift Program.

You can join our program interest list here for more info and details! 

I WANT MORE INFO

With much love and solidarity.